This Was Supposed To Be a Post About Unemployement
When I first wrote this post, it was supposed to be about what it’s like to be unemployed and living alone.
“Being unemployed and living alone is kind of like self-imposed, super luxurious, solitary confinement. “ -Krissy Whasserface, January 29, 2015
It’s not about that now.
Now, it’s about Sugar Crisp.
It all started with the following paragraph:
“If there’s one thing Orange Is The New Black has taught me, it’s that solitary will drive you coo-coo bananas. I was probably coo-coo bananas before I was unemployed, by now I’m probably coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs (I’ve never had Cocoa Puffs. They sound disgusting, though. Actually, you know what cereal is SUPER disgusting? Sugar Crisp cereal. That bear could never get enough of that Sugar Crisp and I made Mum buy it once and it was DISGUSTING. Like, I was a child who loved sugary cereal, and I couldn’t stand Sugar Crisp. It tasted burnt, to me recollection, and just super duper icky pants. We never bought it again.) ”
So then, because I’m from the internet, I started to Google Sugar Crisp.
Apparently it’s not called Sugar Crisp in the United States. You lot call it Golden Crisp now because apparently if you remove Sugar from the name, it magically changes the fact that Golden Crisp has one of the highest sugar contents in a breakfast cereal according to a 2008 comparison by Consumer Reports Magazine.
Frankly, I’m amazed that Sugar Crisp/Golden Crisp is still around as a cereal. I can’t remember the last time I saw a commercial for it, I’m assuming it was probably sometime in the 90s, and my only experience with Sugar Crisp was that it tasted awful. My parents didn’t like it either.
On their website (the Sugar Crisp one, Golden Crisp has its own website) Sugar Crisp says:
“For more than 50 years, Sugar Bear has been saying, “Can’t get enough of that Sugar Crisp.” Both kids and adults agree that the sweet puffed wheat of Sugar Crisp cereal is irresistible.”
WHAT kids an adults? Kid Krissy thought Sugar Crisp was disgusting, my adult parents thought it was gross, and I know no one who actually buys and willingly ingests Sugar Crisp. WHO are these taste-bud impaired people who buy this cereal? I’m surprised eating even one bowl of Sugar Crisp didn’t give me Post Foods LLC traumatic stress disorder. (Get it? It’s a company name pun. But seriously, that cereal is gross)
You know what cereal was equally as sugar filled (if not more so) but tasted like childhood and rainbows?
Mother flipppin’ Trix cereal.
I loved Trix cereal. Not the spherical balls of fruit flavour, but the ones that were shaped like flowers and grapes and watermelon and banana. (If anyone at Trix happens to see this, those shapes were the best and also I love you)
I can’t even get Trix cereal at my local grocery store, if I want it badly enough, I have to order it from Amazon. You know what I CAN get at me local grocery store? Effing Sugar Crisp.
What kind of world do we live in where grocery stores stock Sugar Crisp and not Trix? I think General Mills should start trying to invade my local grocery store, because I’m not happy living in a Post Trix world. (See?! That time there were TWO company name puns. Mum, are you proud of me?)
P.S. Upon reading over this before I publish it, it occurs to me that I need a job worse than I thought I did.
P.P.S I don’t even eat breakfast cereal anymore.