Fictional Characters Gave Me NOT Unrealistic Expectations In Men

Who was your first crush?

If you know me, you know my first true crush (arguably, first true love) was/is David Bowie.

Specifically, 1986 David Bowie.

The first time I saw Labyrinth, I was 8 years old, and it was love at first majestic entrance.

Glitter Motherf@#ers

My love of David Bowie would only increase as time went on, (when I hit about 16 I rediscovered him as a musical artist and connected with his unique sound in a way that would shape my musical taste and who I am as a person) but at 8 years old I was pretty sure I was going to grow up an marry him someday. Either that or wish people I didn’t like to the goblins in hopes I could meet him that way…and also that I could be rid of my enemies. Not that I do that anymore. Not in years. Ok, months. Days. Hours.

Quit judging me.

My crush on David Bowie was the start of considering romance in relation to myself. I was talking to someone about this the other day and as I was thinking about all the crushes I had on fictional characters, I started to notice a trend.

Let’s see if you can spot the trend!

Jareth the Goblin King- Labyrinth

Why hello unrealistic expectations in men for the rest of my life

Edward Scisscorhands- Edward Scisscorhands

WTF did that dog say to him to make him so sad?

William “The Bloody” Pratt a/k/a Spike- Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Are you seeing a pattern yet?

Let’s go a little more recent:

The 10th Doctor- Doctor Who

Don’t look so shocked to be included, Doctor.

Dean Winchester- Supernatural

I may or may not love this character for his car…also his body

Prince Hal- The Hollow Crown (Also, just Tom Hiddleston in general)

Annnnnnnnnnnd we’re back to unrealistic expectations in men.

So did you see the trend in all the men I find attractive?

Yep, you’re right!

None of them are happy.

Wait, what?

No, that isn’t it.

They’re a bunch of gorgeously cheekboned men, often in leather, possessing an abundance of wit and/or talent, playful, and they may or may not be English.

When I thought about it, though, I realized it wasn’t just about looks (or the accent).

There are two unifying factors between each of those characters that I find undeniably appealing: They make me laugh and they’re not really the romantic type.

Part of how my family and friends show affection to one another is by being ridiculous and making jokes, so for me, there’s no better way to connect than to be able to make me laugh.


If we’re talking romance? Don’t get all mushy on me.

I’m not saying these characters can’t be romantic in their own way, but they aren’t the mushy kind of romantic that makes me want to throw something. Most of these characters prefer to show their love through action and if they do use words, they use them in a fantastic and crafted way instead of sounding like a greeting card vomited in your ear.

I never really realized it before I sat down to think about it but I think part of the reason I’m really bad at dating is that a lot of guys seem to think that the way to every girl’s heart is through flowers and telling us how gorgeous we are. NOTE: I’m not saying ALL guys do this, I’m saying a lot seem to and I don’t like it. 

I’m not saying you can’t tell me you find me attractive, but I am saying you should know your audience.

If you really like me, or any person, and you want to show them that, you really should try to communicate in a way they’ll appreciate it. Maybe talk to us long enough to know how we’re comfortable communicating. Straight out compliments tend to make my brain malfunction and I respond with ERROR 404: RESPONSE NOT FOUND and end up smiling uncomfortably as I wait for time to pass so we can leave this uncomfortable interaction behind us.

Sometimes people tell me I’m picky or that I have high expectations, but personally, I don’t see it that way. Sure my standards for men may have been heavily shaped by fictional characters no real person could hope to live up to, but that doesn’t mean my standards are impossible to live up to. When it comes down to it, all I want is someone who makes me laugh and knows how to communicate with me.

Is that so unrealistic?

In case you were confused, that was a rhetorical question.

As we approach Valentine’s Day (VD day, as I prefer to call it because irony is delicious) , I think it’s important to keep these kind of things in mind. For those of us that are happy single, maybe that means making an effort to find someone with a similar communication style to our own. For those of us that aren’t single, maybe it just means checking in to make sure we’re still communicating in the same language.

As for me, I’m just glad I know what language I speak.

Guy #1: Krissy, you’re one of the most gorgeous women I know.

*vomits internally*

Guy #2: Krissy,  if dragons were real, one would totally mistake you for treasure and abduct you.

Ooooooh, Guy #2. If only you weren’t a fictional creation of my own brain.

P.S. Incidentally ^THIS is probably why I’m single.


Posted on February 5, 2015, in Random Life Stuff and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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