You Can Dresser Up But You Can’t Take Her Out

Ever since I moved into my new place, I’ve been slowly trying to decorate it. The challenge here is to stay within my budget, but do things adorably.

I thought that since I’m wildly enjoying this process, I’d share some of it here on the blog.

This past weekend while visiting my folks and celebrating my Dad’s Birthday, I went garage sale-ing with Mum.

You know, when I left the house that day, I literally thought to myself “I don’t really have much cash on me, but it’s not like I’m going to get too much.”




I came home with two giant drum lampshades, curtains, a jewelry display frame, AND A DAMN DRESSER!

The dresser was an unexpected but perfect find. The giant maple dresser I currently have is about 3 inches too long for my bedroom’s geography, so I’ve been looking for a replacement. This one had good bones and was only $40. WIN!

Incidentally, if you are looking for a solid maple, six drawer dresser in fairly good condition for a good price, please give me money and it’s allllllllllllllllllll yours.

Anyway, here’s what the dresser looked like when I bought it.

IMG_3246 IMG_3247

Not bad, right? It’s got some wear and tear and it’s a lot more scratched up than it looks in the photos, but it had character.

I like character.

I was SUPER excited to get started on this project because not only do I love a good project, this would be my first solo furniture re-do.

The first thing I decided was that I wanted to give this a chalk paint treatment because I see it all over my Pinterest and it looks bitchin’. The second thing I decided was that I wanted to give the little details carved into the wood a chance to shine. Literally, shine.

Step 1: I took off allllllllll the handles.


I’m not sure exactly how old this dresser is, but I can tell you one thing: Every piece of dust that has ever touched this dresser was behind those handles. EVERY SINGLE IOTA OF DUST.

It was half fascinating and half gross.

Step 2: I labeled the handles in case this somehow became important later because maybe they’re all the same but maybe not, I don’t know. I can’t tell and I don’t want to screw this up.


Step 3: I went out and bought a dark gold paint and painted all the detailing and handles in gold with multiple layers.


Now, I just used an acrylic craft paint for this, but I technically should have use a latex or something so that I didn’t run the risk of the acrylic peeling off under the other paint. However, I did it this way because I’m not made of money, to hell with your rules, I only wanted the gold for inside the cracks where I won’t be painting over anyway, and I honestly didn’t think of that till afterwards.

Step 4: After work, I excitedly walked down to my local Home Hardware and chose my paint colour. I’d been thinking a teal originally but then thought about something like an oxidized copper. I couldn’t find exactly the colour I was looking for but after comparing the colour of the gold paint I’d bought with the paint chips in the store, I settled on a colour that is somewhere on the line between blue/green/and grey. I also bought Plaster of Paris (because I was set on making my own chalk paint), a brush, and sandpaper for distressing. Behold, the tools in my arsenal!


Step 5: I mixed my chalk paint mixture. After watching numerous YouTube videos and reading various blogs, I’m still not sure if I’ve done it right, but I suppose we’ll find out. The majority of my research said to mix 1 cup paint with 1/3 cup water and 1/3 cup Plaster of Paris (the power is to be dissolved in the plaster of Paris), so that’s what I did. After the first couple of  coats, I was pleased to find that I had made the right colour choice and after three light coats, it started to look pretty snazzy.


Step 6: As I waited for the paint to dry, I decided that the handles needed to have a bit of the main colour added to them, so using a paper towel and my fingers (it was ALLLLLLLLLLL over my fingers), I rubbed them down with a light covering of paint. See the difference between the two I haven’t gotten to yet and the super gold ones?


Before we go any further, I’d like to acknowledge that yes, I am fully aware of how phallic these look.

I know.

I see it.

I don’t care.

I am not ashamed.

I love my oddly phallic handles and I won’t be ashamed of them.

And on that note:

P.S. If I have enraged you with a two-part post, may I remind you that every sitcom in the 90’s had Two-Part episodes and they were ALMOST ALWAYS WORTH IT.

P.P.S. Ok, maybe they weren’t, but shut up.


P.P.P.P.S. Ok, it was less of a cloth and more of a cardboard slab, but you get the point.


Posted on August 7, 2015, in Random Life Stuff and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Grampa "Wilf."

    K>W>F>-did you ever consider becoming a “writer of comedy”?? for T V or stage??


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