All that Glitters

Glitter.

WHAT THE ACTUAL GODDAMN, WORLD?

I thought we all covered this in with the great-glitter-gasm that was the late 1990’s and much of the earlier 00’s?

I remember.

I WAS THERE.

rs_1024x759-131216151052-634-90s-glitter

The 90’s-00’s was a dark, yet sparkly time.

Why is glitter making such a big comeback? Have we regressed to the point where shiny things have us entranced beyond measure?

Glitter, is like a poisonous frog.

dyeing-poison-dart-frog2

Sure, that frog is gorgeous BUT IF YOU TOUCH IT YOUR LIFE IS OVER.

Glitter is literally the herpes of the craft world, but worse.

Like herpes, once you contract glitter, you have it for life and you run the risk of spreading it to everyone you have sexy time with, but what’s worse is that you also run the risk of spreading it to everyone you DON’T have sexy time with. Depending on who you are, that is a lot of people. (No judgement, just use protection in either case. )

When you  have Glitter, it follows you wherever you go, you will never be free of glitter. You become a damn human dandelion, pollinating the world with your filthy sparkle speckles.

Let’s take a step back for a moment from the obvious draw backs of glitter as a thing that exists in the world at all.

Let’s consider these new beauty glitter trends, the first of which is Glitter Roots:

blow-glitter-roots

If this is your style, great. If you like it, please be sure to rock it and ignore my wild and irrational rantings but personally, I would feel like I was walking around with excessively glam dandruff.

If Tinkerbell got back from one of her fairy orgies (actual cannon according to the original Peter and Wendy novel, it’s in there. I promise) and profusely vomited down the back of my head, I think this is what it would look like.

Now, harsh as that is, I want to be clear here: I am an embittered and old fashioned woman who mocks things I don’t understand or enjoy to brighten my worldly existence. Should you come up to me with your glittery mop, I would probably think nothing more of it than acknowledging that it’s your style and would not use it as a measurement of your worth as a person because that is what an idiot does and I am not and idiot.

That being said, here’s another trend I don’t understand that angers me: Glitter Under Eye Whatever The Hell

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Ok, first off, can we take a moment to appreciate this lady’s fabulous hair and outfit?

Done?

K. Cool.

Admittedly, I’m getting my news regarding this trend from the Daily Mail, so there’s a high probability it’s bullshit because the Daily Mail is comprised of a large percentage of garbage, but this trend makes me so frustrated.

Mostly because I know this wouldn’t work on me.

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I LIKE IT!

I mean the glitter roots don’t so much hide your roots as provide a big shiny sign that says “HEY, LOOK AT MY ROOTS! BEHOLD HOW THEY SPARKLE!” but this does kind of hide your under eyes.

It’s really distracting.

I don’t think I’d be able to take someone super seriously if they had glitter under their eyes.

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I stand corrected.

Combined with the smolder…..

and that leather jacket…..oh.

Oh hell.

Welp, I just figured out why I like this trend.

Reise ins Labyrinth, Die

*sigh*

You know what?

Do whatever you want.

I’m going to go watch Labyrinth again.

 

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Posted on November 20, 2015, in Random Life Stuff and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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