Creative Failure = Success
As you may remember, a few months ago, I had a slight existential crisis about how I was ready for a bed-frame.
Well, I got a bed-frame. Ages ago, actually.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t assemble it for the longest time because there was a rather large dresser taking up a bunch of space.
I tried selling it but despite the fact that it is/was a perfectly lovely, solid maple, Canadian made piece of furniture, nobody seemed willing to buy it. Either that or it’s horribly cursed.
Occasionally I would get a message but as soon as I responded, it was like the curse took effect and they mysteriously disappeared into a the abyss, or the void, or space, or Amish country or something.
I put ads for the thing up everywhere but I might as well have been advertising…hmm…what’s a thing that no one wants? A Nickleback CD? A full colonoscopy? A pile of human excrement? Pick any of the above.
This past Sunday, my folks came up for a visit and took the cursed dresser with them.
My Dad lamented the fact that they didn’t have time to help me assemble my new bed-frame.
“I’m a grown woman, Dad” I said “It’s probably time I assemble my own bed-frame.”
HA HA HA HA HA HA aha ha ha!
As always, my confidence in myself as an adult is adorable.
Things started out O.K.
Probably because the first step was just opening boxes and it’s pretty hard to screw that up.
I got all the parts out of their boxes, got out the Ikea instructions, and was ready (and embarrassingly excited about) assembling my bed-frame.
My first problem was that I don’t read pictures.
I like my instruction like I like my poetry: Thoreau.
Because Thoreau is a great writer/poet and it sounds like thorough?
After some mild struggles, and by mild struggles I mean putting literally everything in backwards before realizing it was supposed to go the other way, I managed to get everything ready to be put together.
Despite my ineptitude, this only took about 5 minutes, if that.
The hard part came when I realized 2 things:
1) My room is smaller than I thought it was by about 2 feet
2) I probably should have disassembled my old bed-frame before I started because I was out of room
Now, I probably should have known these things already but if I’m honest, I was kind of being slightly lazy and thought I’d have enough room to make it work.
Now, my old bed-frame (if you can call it that) consisted of two plywood slabs on top of two MDF board bookshelves, so it wasn’t much work to move…still…what if I just kind of shoved it out of the way?
And, I don’t need to empty the shelves or take off my bed sheets. I can just shove everything to the side, kind of, and then flip the plywood and mattress up so I’ll have room!
To my Mother, who is most assuredly reading this and asking herself where she and Dad went wrong, I would like to say that it worked so technically, there’s nothing wrong with the decisions I made.
Now that I had room, it was fairly easy to assemble the frame, though at one point I forgot which way to tighten the screws on the one corner and spent about 10 minutes trying to figure out why I couldn’t get that corner to work.
Unfortunately, even with everything moved to the side, I couldn’t get the new frame exactly where I wanted it once I’d assembled it. So I decided to make more room, I’d put the plywood on the new frame. I didn’t buy Ikea slat boards for this frame because SCREW YOU, IKEA. I AM NOT PAYING MONEY FOR BOARDS OF WOOD YOU STAPLED TOGETHER WITH A CHORD. THEY ARE FLIMSY GARBAGE.
Now, my old mattress is a double, but the plywood is a bit larger than the mattress and there’s not THAT much difference between a Queen (the size of the new bed-frame) and a Double. Right?
Turns out there’s a big difference.
I had exactly enough plywood for half the new frame.
So now I had a decision to make. I couldn’t put my mattress on the new bed-frame and I didn’t have room to re-assemble my old bed without disassembling the new frame.
So, what did I do?
I went back to my theatre training where the motto of stage dressing is: If it isn’t real, just make sure it’s sturdy and it looks good.
I lifted the MDF shelves into the new bed-frame and assembled my old bed-frame within the shell of my new one. It’s just as sturdy as it was before because it’s the exact same set-up I had but with better accessories, and it will buy me all the time in the world I need to get a new mattress and plywood when it fits in my budget.
And damn does it look good.
The moral of the story is: As long as you’re creative in your failure, no one will ever know you didn’t succeed.
Sure it’s not a great moral but it’s a lot more practical than most.