The BIG 30 Project: #12 Huck Axes at Stuff

As I have admitteded repeatedly in this blog: I was kind of a coward as a kid.

A lot of shit scared me, but I always dreamed of doing cool and potentially dangerous things and what is more potentially dangerous than putting an axe into my hands and allowing me to throw it at stuff?

Part of what I want to do with this Big 30 Project is connect with my friends and share crazy experiences. When my birthday rolled around this year, it was the perfect opportunity to do a Big 30 Project with friends.

Now, before I talk about the axe throwing, I’m going to gush for a moment:

I have a crazy cool group of friends and the group I did this with are kind of wonderfully nuts. They encourage me to be an actual human, they support me when I’m unable to human, and they encourage me to do crazy shit that could make a great story and probably won’t kill me.

I don’t think you can ask for better than that.

Anyway, you didn’t come here for sappy gushing word vomit, you came for pointy things.

Believe it or not, Ottawa has multiple axe-throwing facilities, but for our purposes we went to BATL Grounds.

The staff were super great and encouraging.

They taught us not only how to throw the axes, but encouraged us not to worry about being good at it so much as having fun. They encouraged us not to fear the axe, which is easy to say but harder to do when you have to haul this hatchet over your head and lean back with it only to whip it like you’re a human trebuchet. (If you don’t know what a trebuchet is, look it up because they’re awesome and also something I probably shouldn’t ever be allowed to operate.)

Despite my familiarity with axes/hatchets (we mostly threw small axes which is a hatchet to me but in the event of a tie there was a proper axe brought out that thoroughly intimidated all who threw it), I sucked at this.

I mean, really.

My Papa (Dad’s Dad) was a lumberjack and I thought that might somehow give me a competitive edge, but clearly I have inherited none of his strength or aim. I kept hoping he’d pull a Ghost and possess me so I could impress everyone and win, but no such luck. He was really Catholic, is there something in the Bible that says “Thou shalt not possess thy granddaughter and help her to win a tournament of axe-throwing”?

Serious question. I don’t know. I kind of skimmed it.

Anyway, the only thing that really matters is that we had fun….

AND that I managed to get a bullseye once and had it documented so you can’t prove I wasn’t amazing at throwing axes.

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Suck iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Ok. So it’s not a perfect bullseye, but it was still a bullseye and I tried so shut up.

Seriously, though. It was a super fun night.

My friends were their normal hilarious selves and I enjoyed everything from catching up with people to the chanting of DEVICE DEVICE DEVICE (a thing used to measure how much of an axe is in what area) and BIG AXE BIG AXE BIG AXE (when a match between two people ended up tied, the Big Axe was brought out and highest score thrown won).


The only down side to this night was the day after.

It turns out that axe-throwing is a major core workout. My abs killed me the next day.


Now I know, with painful accuracy, where they are.

Thankfully that only lasted about a day but apparently I wasn’t the only one hurting. I’m tempted to take this up as a hobby just so I can get shredded abs but then I remember how non-bus accessible these places are and how much I enjoy sleep.

Seriously, though. I love this and I find the more stuff I do like this, the more I can’t help but wonder why I didn’t do stuff like this before.

What was I afraid of?

Was it a kind of laziness?

I suppose when it comes down to it, the answer doesn’t really matter because what matters is that I’m doing this stuff now.

Oh! I almost forgot: At the end of the night, I was given the middle plank of our target and all my friends signed it.


I don’t know what the f#@k I’m going to do with it, but it’s covered in axe puns and smells good and I love it.

P.S. Apologies if this post seemed a little scattered or poorly written. My new puppy figured out how to hump stuff this evening so…


That’s a whole thing.

I’ve had to get up to move about 10 times to discourage it.

I love the little bastard but I now look forward to the day he gets neutered.

Snip, snip, motherf**ker.


Posted on March 18, 2016, in The BIG 30 Project and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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