Modern Love

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It is hard to find love in modern society.

Not that I really have a basis for comparison given that I don’t remember any past lives or anything and have yet to experience time travel.

Still.

It’s hard.

Maybe it’s because I’m not super in touch with my emotions, but (somewhat ironically) I feel like that shouldn’t matter.

I’ve been doing the online dating thing again, a paid site this time in a vain hope to avoid the plethora of creepy messages out there, but I’m still not a huge fan of it.

It’s hard to get to know someone through a screen when so much of attraction is an in-person event. At least, it is for me.

The way a person carries themselves, talks, their facial expressions, the way they deliver a joke? That is what interests me. It’s hard to get that before you meet people in person.

It’s not that I don’t know what I’m looking for.

I do.

I know.

I also know it exists.

The problem is finding one such example of humanity and lucking out enough to also be attractive to them.

That does not happen to me very often, if at all.

I feel like maybe part of the problem is the type of guy who’s attracted to me.

Not all, but a lot of the guys who are/have been attracted to me are looking for a strong lady because they don’t want to be the leader in the relationship- which is totally fine, but the thing is, I don’t want that either.

I have no desire to play the role of Mommy 2.0: Now with more Oedipal issues!

I need a cohort not a henchmen.

I mean, I also could use some henchmen but I don’t want to date them.

I’m also not looking for perfection, I just want someone whose damage compliments my own.

I need a guy who refuses to let me put myself down and who knows that I would much prefer he bring me a lemonade than a bouquet of flowers. If given that, I can be that girl who refuses to let him be too hard on himself and make him laugh with ridiculous shenanigans.

I’m not sure where to find a guy like that.

I’ve met a few but they rarely like me back.

Maybe I’ve been cursed?

Maybe I should stop yell-singing LOVE ME, LOVE ME, SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME in the street?

I kid, I kid.

I don’t yell-sing in the street.

Out loud.

Just in my head.

Wait, are all men secretly able to read my thoughts and they’re weirded out by my mental-yell singing and that’s why I’m single?!

OMG.

Yes.

Yes, that must be it.

Ok. Well, problem solved.

I will just stop doing that and mentally cat-call them instead.

Like:

HEYYYYYYYYYYY TALL BEARDED FELLA. YEAAAAAAH. YOU BRING THAT LUMBERJACK LOOKIN’ TUSHIE OVER HERE! MMMMMM YEAH. BUILD ME A GAZEBO!

YOU A FUNNY GUY? ARE YOU FUNNY?

WHY DON’T YOU COME WITH ME AND I’LL SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME. I’LL SASS YOU AND MAKE LOTS OF SIMPSONS REFERENCES.

YEAH. YEAH YOU LIKE THAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE? A FISCALLY RESPONSIBLE LIFE-STYLE. DON’T TAKE ME OUT FOR DINNER, LET’S MAKE DINNER AT MY PLACE AND WATCH NETFLIX.

WE CAN WEAR SWEAT PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS!

1168092

 Zach Miko looks particularly unimpressed with my attempts at wooing, but he’s married and thus does not count. 

Having just re-read the above bit, I am no longer AS confused about why I’m single.

In fairness, though, romance is weird.

It’s basically saying “Hey! You, human. I enjoy spending time with you. Let us mash our mouth flaps together and perhaps even our downstairs bits, but also spend lots of time together when we’re not doing that and make ourselves into a little team. Us  vs. whoever/whatever we want to tackle! Let’s do this indefinitely!”

Like, objectively, that’s kind of weird.

I think it was Doctor Seuss who said that love is just mutual weirdness.

I know what you’re thinking and yes, I do get all my romance advice from children’s authors. Where else would I get it from?

No, seriously.

Where else?

Anyway, I’m afraid that’s it for this week.

Next week I may finally break down and blog about the adorable ball of derp that is my dog.

If you know a man of high quality who is potentially interested in matching my weirdness, please have him send his resumé including: a photograph of his choosing, his favourite Simpsons character, and three ex-partner references to me.

I can be reached via Twitter at @TheCoffeeKris or Instagram @coffekris or by yelling my name loudly enough.

Applications are being accepted indefinitely.

 

 

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Posted on April 22, 2016, in Random Life Stuff and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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