Literally Broke-Ass

So, truth be told I don’t have a lot of news but I do have one kind of ridiculous piece of news.

I broke my butt.

I am, literally, broke-ass.

butt-cast

Now, if this were a comedy, this is part where you’d hear a record scratch and a voice-over saying that you’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.

Well, that’s just it. I don’t really know?

You’d think you would know when/how you injured your tush, but I don’t. I didn’t fall dramatically on my butt or moonwalk into something at an extremely high speed and I definitely didn’t do whatever else your wicked minds mind come up with.

It doesn’t matter how I injured it, what does matter is that sitting is terrible BUT (and yes that pun is totally intended) it did give me a rare and precious opportunity.

I got to tell someone to X-Ray my butt.

Somewhere deep inside my eight year old self was having the time of her life.

Imagining Receptionist: Hello.

Me: Hi, I’m hear to get a butt x-ray?

Imagining Receptionist: *smiles* Can I have your healthcard?

Me: *hands over card* How long is the wait to get your butt x-rayed?

Imagining Receptionist: About 10 minutes. You can have a seat in the waiting room until then.

Me: I could, but that would hurt. Hence the butt x-ray.

Imagining Receptionist: You can stand, if you prefer.

Me: I’d prefer to sit butt…*waggles eyebrows* Get it? But, but like butt. Because I’m here for a butt x-ray.

Imagining Receptionist: You don’t have to keep saying butt x-ray.

Me: I really think I do. *stares at receptionist*

Imagining Receptionist: *stares back*

Me: *whispers* Butt x-ray.

X-ray Tech: Kris (NAME WITHHELD BECAUSE THIS IS THE INTERNET)?

Me: *goes over to door*

X-ray Tech: *hands over gown* Take off everything except your underwear and put this on, open side to the back.

Me: Won’t that make it awkward when I moon the X-ray machine?

X-ray Tech: Why would you moon the machine?

Me: I’m here for a butt x-ray.

X-ray Tech: *laughs* That’s not how we do it.

Me: Thank you for crushing my dreams, now let’s x-ray my butt! I’m going to warn you though, there is already a crack in it…

So, I got an x-ray about a week ago and never heard anything back. Turns out, that means it’s not a fracture. It also turns out, that the doctor who initially saw me is a lazy slob who should have given me more information than he did.

The good news is that I do not have a fracture, the bad news is that I now have a prescription for “manual manipulation” through physio or massage therapy.

I think I’ll wait and see if the pain gets bad enough for me to be desperate enough to fulfill that prescription. Call me old fashioned, but I’d prefer if the back door stayed shut.

Well…I think this will be an interesting test to see how many people actually read my blog. I’m going to base my numbers on the number of people who talk to me about my butt.

Anyway, you have my apologies if the writing on this post isn’t really up to par. Like I said, I didn’t really have much inspiration to write this week. I guess you could say I kind of *puts on sunglasses* pulled this one out of my ass.

Am I working blue, yes, but I regret nothing.

Next week, a very special post that is not at all related to my butt.

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Posted on September 19, 2016, in Random Life Stuff and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. OK…I think I enjoyed this silly blog…Butt….

    Like

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